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Friends only.

What's the point of having a "friends only" livejournal?

I know, livejournal isn't cool and no one gives a shit about my entries these days (there was a time drama followed me), but I made it friends only a few years ago and I guess you could say old habits die hard.

The truth is, nothing is private with me anymore. If you want to know something, just ask. If you want to read my livejournal, add me and I'll definitely add you back. Just comment and let me know what's up because I most likely won't even notice that you've added me until you say something.

(no subject)

Hello, it's me. I just read a bunch of old entries and it inspired me to update. I miss this corner of social media. This quiet, hidden corner.

I'd like to document all the junk that's happened between the last entry and now, but it's too much and too boring, so I'll just do the cliff notes version.

-I'm in my last semester of RN school. It blows and I can't wait to finish this shit. I'm doing well enough, but there's a lot of bullshit busywork, and with everything else I have going on, it just feels unnecessary. My professor told me to consider cutting down my work hours to focus on school more. Lol, sure. But who is going to pay my bills?

-My fat baby turned 1 in January. She is such a happy baby girl. She's walking, clapping, waving, saying a few words and busy as can be. And she's super adorable, of course.

-Douglas moved in with his mother over summer break. Things are so different without him here, but we are adjusting. He will be here for spring break soon and we can't wait to have him home. He seems to be doing well, for the most part, with his mom. He says he wants to move back home sometimes, but who knows what he really wants.

-Amelia is angsty and dramatic as ever. She is doing well in school, except she has the world's worst handwriting.

-Weston is the same old obnoxious, mischievous little dude. He's so good at figuring stuff out. He plays video games more than I'd like to admit, and he's really amazing at them. He taught himself to read several months ago and he's a brilliant reader. He still won't write/draw/color though. -sigh- He starts kindergarten in the fall and hopefully being in a classroom full of other kids will motivate him to figure it out. I'm at a loss, though.

-Doug & I are good. Not great, but good. Nursing school is so hard on relationships. Especially when the nursing student works full time, too. He's been awesome and supportive though. He's been so, so hands on with Coraline. She is daddy's girl, for real. Watching him with her warms my heart like no other. Almost makes me want another one. ALMOST. We are 99% sure we are done having kids though.

I think that's it, in a nutshell. I wonder if anyone is still around to even read this...

four faces

Oh hi

So I'm alive and well. My baby girl is growing at a ridiculous rate. I start RN school in a couple weeks and that shit is going to suck. There's drama at work over the schedule and I basically don't give a fuck. Nursing school has set days so I can only work when I've signed up. So we are doubling up on some nights, leaving other nights with no one and I can't be bothered to give a shit. One year. It's one year before I graduate. I can handle anything for a year.

Random pics, for good measure.
four faces

birth story

The birth of Coraline Vivian Van Scoyoc

On the evening of January 15, I had a lot of contractions and I was feeling pretty miserable. It wasn't anything new and different, though. I had been having contractions on and off for a couple weeks. I went to bed early, even though I had slept most of the day (I worked the night before). I woke up around 9pm and had painful contractions...or maybe she was moving a lot? I couldn't decide. I ate my last piece of birthday cake and went back to bed. I noticed her movements were way lower than they had been, but didn't think too much of it.

At around 12:30 am on January 16th, I got up to pee. As I got out of bed, I felt the familiar pop of my amniotic sac rupturing. I waddled to the bathroom and started cleaning myself up. I yelled to my husband and told him to wake up, that we had to go to the hospital. I then flicked on the light and realized what I thought was amniotic fluid all over my legs was actually blood. A lot of blood. I stood up and saw the toilet was also covered in blood. I tried to stay calm, but it was hard. I jumped in the shower to wash off, hoping that the blood I was seeing was just from the initial rupture. In the shower, it became apparent that I was actively bleeding. I got out of the shower. My husband had already sprung into action. He had awakened the other kids and was loading them in the car. I told him I thought we needed to call 911, that I was bleeding a lot and I couldn't feel her moving. He said he could get me to the hospital faster than they could get there (probably true, we are literally 5 minutes away from the closest hospital). I complied and we raced to the hospital. It was very foggy and the roads were wet. I was terrified.

We pulled up to the emergency entrance. I dashed out of the car and told the people at the front desk that I was in labor and bleeding a lot. They offered me a wheelchair, I decided there wasn't time for that and headed in the direction of L&D. Doug went to park the car as I headed up.

I stood at the information desk at L&D for a couple minutes, trying to fill out paperwork and offering them my insurance information, etc. It was hard to concentrate...I just wanted to get on a monitor! I eventually told the girl I needed to be in a room. She walked me back. I changed into a gown and was placed on a monitor. The baby's heartbeat was immediately picked up! 146! So much relief.

My next concern was for the amount of blood I had lost. I told them that I had a history of placenta previa (complete at 20 weeks, marginal at 32 weeks), but that at my last appointment (a week prior) the doctor had cleared me for a vaginal delivery, even though the placenta was still close (about 1cm away). I don't think anyone anticipated I would be having her that soon, and assumed my placenta would continue to move and be clear by the time I went into labor. The doctor there ordered an ultrasound, and it was determined my placenta was right next to the opening.

After the ultrasound, I started to have tremors and I could tell that I was dilating quickly. They were rushing to get my paperwork from my doctor's office (I was planning to deliver at a different hospital and my OB didn't have privileges there), get my labs drawn and get my IV started. I told them I needed to get up and go to the bathroom. They wouldn't allow it. The doctor took a look at the blood on the towel underneath me and pulled my nurse out of the room. I could tell the doctor was concerned. I signed consent for the c-section under general anesthesia, and I was rolled away to the OR at around 3am.

On the way to the OR, I passed by my husband. He gave me a kiss. I told him I was scared. He comforted me calmly, although I could see the concern in his eyes. His comforting words and love for me, assured me all would be okay. We parted ways, and he told me he paced the hall the entire time while he awaited news of the baby's birth.

I got into the OR. It was cold and white. I was surrounded by people who were calm and quick. I asked a lot of questions, all of which were answered. They placed me strategically on the table, and inserted my foley catheter. The last thing I remember is the anesthesiologist saying the anesthesia might burn a bit in my IV. Then, I went to sleep.

I woke up about an hour later and asked about the baby. They pointed me to her and said she was perfect. I gave her a kiss and was sleeping again, thereafter. I woke up again in the recovery room.

Coraline Vivian was born at 0311, measuring in at 5lbs 6.4oz and 18 inches at 36 weeks 3 days gestation. Initially, she was a little "moist" (their word) so they watched her breathing for a bit. She self corrected and was taken back to wait for me in my room with her dad and a NICU nurse. She had low blood sugar, so they gave her a bit of formula. From there, she was fine. They checked her blood sugar prior to feeds for 24 hours and she never had another drop. She maintained her temperature from the get-go. She had no further issues breathing. She was small but amazingly strong!

We went home two days after her birth. Recovery from the c-section has been a lot easier than I had anticipated. I was up and moving within 10 hours after she was born, which has helped tremendously. I am so thankful that I have my little blessing home and healthy! The scariest night of my life turned into one of the best days of my life.
four faces

thanksgiving thanks

Thanksgiving: a time to recount your blessings. It is also a time to spend with family and eat a lot of delicious food, but I digress..

This year I have so much to be thankful for.

First and foremost, I am thankful for Doug. He has been my strength and support throughout the years. We have had our ups and downs, but the good always outweighs the bad. He has come so far in our relationship, grown up so much as a person, and has turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. When I'm feeling crappy, he does his best to cheer me up. When I'm tired, he does what he can to allow me to nap. He cooks, he cleans and he is a damn good father. He is also so, so caring and loving. He compliments me constantly. He finds me beautiful even when I'm feeling the most unattractive. He is always thinking of me in everything he does. I can't imagine life without him.

I am also thankful for our beautiful children. It amazes me to watch them learn and grow. I sit back and look at them sometimes and I can't even believe that they're mine. That I raised them. Amelia is so smart and so sweet. Weston is so loving and so funny. They light up my world.

I am thankful for good health and an uneventful pregnancy. I have the normal third trimester aches and pains, but overall, I've had a very easy pregnancy. That's not to say I want to do this again (someone slap me if I start baby fevering again....this is SO my last). I will be 30 weeks in a couple days. It's flown by and I can't wait for February to get here to hold my little girl.

I am thankful for my job. I'm thankful this semester is wrapping up at school (statistics is so, so frustrating). I'm thankful for beautiful weather. I'm thankful for my friends and extended family.
four faces

it's a girl!

I found out baby is a girl yesterday. I knew it the entire time so it's not this big thing. I still haven't made the pregnancy "Facebook official" although the people I see regularly already know. I just don't feel the need to share my pregnancy on Facebook this time around. I'm not sure why. I'm telling my extended family about the pregnancy on Sunday at my cousins daughters first birthday party (with her and her husbands permission). I told my mom about my intention to announce the pregnancy and she said "oh everyone pretty much already knows." I didn't tell them so I can only assume she told them. I can only imagine how she told everyone, considering her "oh that sucks" reaction. Hopefully they will have a better reaction than that when they hear it from me. I don't even know what to expect.

I may or may not announce on Facebook after this weekend. It just doesn't seem like anyone is excited for us.

Oh well. I'm excited. Our little family is excited. Amelia is sooo excited to have a little sister to "decorate" (lol, her words). Douglas seemed happy to have another little sister, too. Weston doesn't really get it yet, but he is excited about being a big brother.

Baby is healthy which is the most important thing. I was nervous because the first trimester screening had some abnormal results. I have placenta previa though. Hopefully it moves out of the way, but if not, I'll need a c section, which will suck.

four faces

(no subject)

So in my illness, I've been unable to smoke. And since I've already gone three days without a cigarette, I've decided to quit altogether. It's not been so bad yet. I was too sick to even care during the first two days. I think the nicotine is officially out of my system now, so there's that. Addiction is a beast, I tell you. I quit smoking for my pregnancies but other than that, I've been smoking since I was 18. I don't know why I ever started back again after I had Weston, but I wish I hadn't. Smoking is so gross. I hate the smell of smoke and smokers breath. I hate that it ages some people prematurely and causes cancer, heart disease, and lung disease, among other things. I hate that hundreds of dollars a month are literally being burnt and smoked. And I'm tired of it! Doug is quitting, too! I hope I can keep it up.

four faces

(no subject)

Omg I have the flu. It sucks ass. I'm such a baby when I run a fever. All I want to do is sleep. Doug has been so accommodating in my illness. I slept from 9am-3pm yesterday, from 11pm-2am, and then from 8am-2pm. I'm hungry but I'm too cold to get out of bed. My bones hurt. My throat and head hurt, too. I've been coughing and wheezing and blowing my nose non-stop. Please pray I get over this stuff soon! And that no one else gets this crap! Ughhhh being sick sucks.

four faces

(no subject)

I'm trying SO HARD not to freak out right now. I have been waiting to receive my AP score (from 2002) from the college board for over a month now. Without this score, I am not going to be able to apply to the nursing program that starts this summer, because it gives me credit for ENC 1101 (part of my pre-requisites). The deadline for the nursing school application is WEDNESDAY and it still is not here. The request form said 7-10 days to process the request. They cashed my check December 31. Still no records. STILL NO FUCKING RECORDS! What am I going to do? If I turn in an incomplete application, I'm sure that won't go over well. If I turn in the application late, I can guarantee that won't fly. I have emailed someone my adviser prompted me to contact (since he couldn't do shit for me), and now the email service is not working. WTF WTF WTF WTF!!!! I don't even know if the person I contacted is the person I needed to contact. The phone number he provided with her email address didn't work, so I don't have a whole lot of faith in that dude. Her email address was on the directory, so there's that. I keep praying that the records show up, but I'm losing faith. If I do not get into this program, I am fucked. As in, losing my job, fucked. Gotta hold it together. Keep praying. This is totally out of my hands and it makes me so, so, so upset. One piece of paper to dictate my future. Really? And I took ENC 1102, so why can't it just be assumed that the AP score replaces ENC 1101? I am going to lose my mind.
four faces

(no subject)

So we moved on Christmas Eve. It was a hot mess. Super disorganized and I had way, way too much shit accumulated in the old place. I have taken four huge trips to Goodwill already and there is still more stuff at the old place that needs to be bagged and donated. It's incredible how much stuff we had crammed in that place. I felt like I could have been on hoarders. Downright embarrassing.

Anyway, the new place is coming together quite nicely. The little kids' room, the main bathroom and the kitchen are all scrubbed clean and organized. The living room is mostly done, but there are still a few boxes of books and DVDs we have to sort through. Our room/bathroom and Douglas' room are still pretty disheveled, but it'll get done.

My mom has been here for the last two days, buying me a ton of stuff and helping me organize and clean. She's been such a huge help, I can't thank her enough. She even plans to buy us a (used) washer & dryer, which would be awesome but almost too much. We need it though. A family of five has a lot of laundry and laundromats suck. As of right now, I'm washing all the things at the old place to make sure we can hold out for at least a bit until we get the washer & dryer.

The new place is so, so much nicer than our last place. I'm so in love with it. I can't wait to be totally done with the moving process. Moving fucking sucks.

Christmas was good, but I was tired and sore from moving the night before. Then I worked Christmas night. The next day I went straight to the old place to clear stuff out after being up all day/all night and only getting a few hours sleep the night before. I'm still way behind on sleep, but I'll sleep when I'm dead. I'm not sleeping well in the new place yet. Still seems surreal that we are actually living here. Doesn't feel like home when I go to bed, you know?

I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays!