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Prayers for my sanity, please!

Life has been moving so quickly. Christmas is only a week and a half away and I have yet to buy a single present. We need to move out of this place by January 1st and we haven't sealed the deal with that yet either. I am stressing, to say the least. We have found a place to move in to but the landlord has been having family issues (he has old parents who live out of state who are having issues, from what I can gather), so we haven't even so much as applied for the place yet. I am nervous that this is going to fall through, which would suck because I don't have much for a plan b, should this not work out. So please pray for us tomorrow morning. We are finally (hopefully) meeting with him to work out all the details.

I worked two extra 12 hour shifts last week, for time and a half. By the end of the week I was working overtime for my last shift and a half. This, combined with the fact that my tuition reimbursement should come through, should make for a very happy paycheck this week, which is much needed right now, with Christmas and moving and all that crap.

Doug is about to break up with me from working so much though (not really, but he is really not happy with me being gone so much). I can't blame him. The kids have been sick and therefore extra ornery lately. Also I've been cranky, too, from chronic lack of sleep and too much caffeine.

I'll be so happy when January gets here, just to be over this stressful time.

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(no subject)

I'm alive. School is almost done for the semester and I couldn't be happier. Kids are good and getting so much attitude. Work has been kicking my ass. Doug and I are doing well. Things are busy but I'm hoping it will slow down soon.

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(no subject)

So tired but I just can't settle my thoughts to sleep.

My cousin Amanda had her baby girl today. I'm super excited for her and I can't wait to hold her! She looks perfect in photos. I'm sure the anticipation of her arrival is a big reason I had a hard time falling asleep this morning. She was born this afternoon.

I didn't get to sleep until after 10:30am after working all night and being up all day the previous day. At 1:30 an inspector shows up at our house (we're renting and the owner is's been annoying, the amount of people coming through) and of course needs into our room. So that was that. 3 hours of shitty daytime sleep. Said inspector was an asshole and was rude to Amelia and bitched under his breath about me "napping." Fuck you very much, I work nights. How would you like it if I came to your house at 1:30am?? Asshat.

I had a lab practical in micro today. I pretty much kicked ass, even though my tired eyes had a hard time focusing.

Came home and watched some supernatural with Doug, ate Ben & Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and fell asleep on the couch for no more than 15 minutes, and now I'm stuck in night shift survival mode. Fuck. I really want to visit my cousin tomorrow but if I don't get to sleep soon, I'll have to sleep the day away in order to work tomorrow night. I love my night shift coworkers and the shift differential pay, but I hate everything else about working nights.

While I'm bitching, I ordered a birthday shirt from Gymboree for Weston on September 10. I paid extra for 3-5 day shipping. The package came and it was the wrong item. No prob , they credited me the shipping cost and set up to send another (yes, I have to buy the second shirt). That was September 13. It's been two weeks and I still don't have the fucking shirt. I'm calling tomorrow but for fucks sake, what's the deal? I want to get Weston's birthday pictures done but I keep waiting for this shirt. Pisses me off.

Gee, what else? Still can't stand my a&p teacher. Dude is a jerkoff. His test was bullshit. I left class when he reviewed the test because it just pissed me off and I didn't want to go off on him.

I'm counting down the days until the end of this semester.

Well, maybe I can sleep now...

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weston's birthday update!

Weston turned three on Saturday. Friday morning, we met with a few moms from the moms group and my cousin, Amanda, at a bounce house place, per Weston's request. He ran around like a wild man and had a great time. I brought cupcakes and got the kids all sugared up before leaving. We ate lunch at Chick-fil-a (also per his request, although he didn't eat, so I suspect he just wanted to go there for the play area and lemonade). My cousin got him a Thomas the Train toy with tracks and he loves it. She's 37 weeks pregnant and totally ready to have her baby.

Saturday he spent the day at my mom's house, since I worked Friday night. She made him spaghetti for dinner (his favorite) and bought a cake from Publix. She got him the Cozy Gas Pump and he was so confused and he kept looking for the car to go with it.

Doug and I went and got him from my mom's house Saturday evening. I was feeling like crap so I called into work. Vertigo is no joke, for real. I'm still not 100% better today, but I feel better than I did Saturday. Anyway, when we got home, his big present was unveiled. A cozy truck!

He was so excited when he saw it. He immediately filled it with gas from his gas pump. :) He's kind of a tough cookie to crack when it comes to getting gifts (because he mostly plays with cars, which he has a million of, or his sisters toys), so I was really happy to find something that he totally loves.

Sunday evening, Doug's parents came over with ice cream cake and more presents. They got Weston a V-tech car track with a couple of different cars, an annoying car that plays a super annoying song, and a light up bracelet. He seems to like them well enough, but nothing is as cool as his new truck.

So three years old at last! It seems like it's been forever getting here, but at the same time, it's gone by in a flash. Does that even make sense?

Weston has been potty trained for 6 months, except at night. He can jump, run, walk up and down the stairs like a real person, run backwards, climb ANYTHING, unlock/lock any door, put on his own shoes, put on his pants, feed himself and annoy any person with great precision. ;) He loves technology and has been able to figure out how to turn on the X-box and navigate to Netflix, how to work my phone and tablet, how to get to the camera part of the Nintendo DS, etc etc...He speaks in full sentences and has for the past few months. His speech is super understandable, too. He has a lisp (which I think is adorable) and he has a hard time with Rs and THs (on certain words), but other than that, his pronunciation is right on. He can say ABCs and count to 10 (or more) when he feels like it. He knows quite a few colors and shapes. He also knows the lyrics of tons of songs (kids songs and songs on the radio). His memory is great. He has no interest in learning numbers or letters, so as far as I know, he doesn't know any letters or numbers by visualization. He also doesn't draw anything other than scribbles which he calls "acorns" every time. Silly boy. He talks non-stop, asking "why" and "how" and "what for" questions all day long, even if he knows the answer. He is big into imaginary play and he's quite the comedian. His sister is laughing at him all day long these days (when he's not aggravating her, because he is also very good at that).

He has all of his teeth now (I think...he was working on his molars just a couple months ago, and he won't let me look inside to see if they're all in, but I assume they are). He doesn't go in for his well check for another month (I'm always behind on scheduling this appointment, not sure why), but I'd guess him to be 32lbs and 37 inches. He skips naps more often than not these days. He still sucks his thumb, but only when he's sleepy and at home. I rarely ever see him sucking his thumb anywhere other than home.

He's just a ball full of energy with a good heart. I love my sweet little guy!

Three years of cuteness! Can't wait to see what the next three years (and beyond) will bring!
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why yes, I am alive (I think)

Things have been super crazy for me this summer. This A&P class Tuesday and Thursday evenings is totally kicking my ass, as far as messing up my schedule and everything else. I'm actually doing quite well in the class, receiving As on every test (aside from today's test -sigh-...although I haven't actually gotten my grade, I'm pretty sure that wasn't an A). Between working, going to school, studying and sleeping at weird ass hours, I feel I hardly have any time to spend with my family.

Doug has been awesome and totally supportive of me going back to school. He bends over backwards for me, allowing me to sleep half the days away and taking care of the house and the kids in the meantime. It makes me feel terribly guilty. What am I doing to my family and does the end justify the means? I sure has hell hope so. Sometimes I need to remind myself why I'm doing all of this. Sometimes I need to suck it up and remember that our relationship is important and it needs a bit of attention as well.

So yeah, I've been stressed lately. Deadlines, finances, work, school, relationship tending, child rearing, etc all catches up with me sometimes and it can make me feel hopeless. Sometimes I want to quit it all. Run away and never look back. Not that I ever would, but I do find myself wondering how things would be if I did leave. Being an adult is hard, y'all.

The fall semester is sneaking up on me ever so quickly. I'm taking two classes in the fall (A&P II and Microbiology, plus a lab for each -- so really four classes), and I'm nervous as hell about it. I know summer courses are accelerated, but if I'm already stressed about juggling school and work and home life now, how the fuck am I going to swing it next semester? Doesn't matter, I just have to do it. I need to start the nursing portion by next summer at the latest, and if I don't wrap this shit up in the fall semester, my chances of meeting that goal are pretty much nil.

What else? The kids are great, as usual. Busy, silly, loving little guys. Weston will be THREE in less than two months, which boggles my freaking mind. They grow up so fast, man.

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Cheesin Amelia


On Sunday, Amelia turned four. My, where has the time gone? I can remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. The first thing I said when she was born was (to Doug) "Oh, she has your dimples!" Those dimples are still one of my favorite things about Amelia, but now there are so many more favorite things! I love the way she will randomly cuddle up to me and say "I love you, Mommy. You're so beautiful." I love her imagination and the way she can create stories out of thin air. My favorite silly story she comes up with is about the family of rats that live in her hair at night. "That's how comes I have rats' nests in my hair in the morning." I love her preference for all things girly. I love her silly dance moves and how she is always singing songs that she makes up. I love her love for learning. It is awesome to see my girl so eager to learn and master new things. I love how sensitive she is when it comes to the feelings of others. She never wants to hurt someone else's feelings. She's very empathetic, and always has been. I love her curls, and I'm sad to see that they are slowly fading away. I am terrified to cut her hair for fear her curls will be gone forever. It's silly, I know, but her curls are precious to me. I love the way she loves her brothers. When I asked her who her best friend was she said Douglas and Weston.

This year's milestones:

-First actual hair cut (aside from the hair in her face when she was 8 months)
-First time pedalling a bike (still can't steer, but we're working on it)
-Learning to spell/write her name
-Learning to write all the letters (capital and lowercase)
-Learning all the letter sounds
-First time on a rollercoaster
-First time making friends on her own (without the assistance of mom matchmaking)
-Learning to put on her shoes
-Learning to get dressed on her own

This year she has totally outgrown toddlerhood. She is my big girl now, and she tells me as much.

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sad times

So I found out this morning via Facebook that my grandmother passed away last night. My mom tried to call me last night but my phone was dead, so I never saw that she called. I hate that I found out that way, but it is what it is.

I'm sad, but also relieved for her. She was tired. Even things as simple as moving to the chair were a struggle for her. She apparently died in her sleep. No pain, no struggle. I guess that's the best way to go.

Rest in peace, Grandma. You have been well loved and you will be missed. <3

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hey look, it's a real update!

Is it bad that I have to go back and read my journal to see what I've written about to make sure that I haven't said it already? I suck so much at livejournaling these days. I know I've said that before. ;)

So...what's new?

Let's start with relationship things. Doug and I have been better than ever. We've been communicating more effectively than ever, our sex life is more active than it's been in a long time, and we are just genuinely happier together than we have been for years. I am thrilled that we got through our tough times and that now we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together, officially.

As far as wedding arrangements, we haven't really made them yet. No date, even. I went back and forth deciding between eloping and having an actual wedding, and I came to the conclusion that I really do want a wedding. Nothing big or expensive, but I definitely want a ceremony. The problem with this is, I want to wait until I'm done with school in order to plan it right. Hopefully by then, I'll have a better income to work with as well.

We've also been talking about expanding our family after I complete school. I am super excited about the prospect of a new child. If I didn't have the motivation before to get through school (trust me, I did), I definitely do now. I know it's strange, since I've been all "I'm so done!" for so long, but the bigger my babies get (can I even call them babies anymore?) the more I long for a newborn. One more, just one more. I almost can't wait, but I know I have to.

Speaking of school, I'm doing great in my class. Half of my class dropped, so we have like 10 people in the class. It's weird. I find myself talking more than anyone else. I've been there for every class (attendance is a huge part of the grade, we've gotten extra credit just for showing up). I've gotten an A on every assignment. I got over 100% on both of the tests. I have my final paper written and I am convinced this is an A paper. I feel really good and encouraged about my college path this time. I really screwed myself the first time around, but now that I'm actually, you know, trying, I'm a pretty damn good student.

Over the summer, I'm going to be taking Anatomy & Physiology I. In the fall I'm taking A&PII and Microbiology. I'm hoping to be in the nursing program by Spring 2014, graduating by 2016. Seems so far away, but I know time flies.

The kids are awesome, as always. Amelia is such a sweet girl. She loves making new friends, and she seems to be good at it, too. It warms my heart to see it, since I was never good at befriending people as a child. She does it with ease. People seem to like her automatically, and I'm happy for it. She is almost four and I can't believe it! Four! I've been filling out paper for VPK for next year. Seriously, my little school! How can it be?! She is SUPER excited about it. She's definitely ready. She loves to learn and she's a little sponge. I do have concerns about how she will listen to teachers (since listening is not her strong suit), but I think she will adjust well. She has a hard time listening, I think, because she is almost always doing what she's supposed to be doing. She doesn't get told what to do too, too often. She's so social and peer oriented, that I think seeing other kids do as they're told will be a good motivator for her to listen, too. Fingers crossed, anyway.

Mr. West has been growing up fast, too! My boy is finally potty trained! It took a couple months for him to finally catch on, but once he got the hang of it, it's been smooth sailing. I started putting him in big boy underwear full time a week and a half ago and he has not had any pee accidents. He did have two poop accidents, though. We put a pullup on at night still, and he has waited for the pullup a couple times to poop, too. Since Saturday, he's done all his poops in the potty, though! I'm hopeful that this is the start of all poops in the potty! He's woken up dry a couple times, but he wakes up wet most of the time, so we'll cross the night training bridge when he's ready. He trained earlier than Amelia, but she was easier to train. It all evens out in the end. Yay, no more diapers!

Weston has been talking like crazy. He talks non-stop, about everything, all the time. He repeats everything, too, including random strangers as they pass by and everyone in between. He's a little parrot, this guy! He sings lots of songs, too. His sense of humor is starting to show, and he's quite the comedian. He likes to say silly things just to get a reaction out of people. He is the king of getting reactions. He is starting to prefer the reaction he gets from humor as opposed to that from annoying someone, so I'm thankful for that. He is still quite the aggravator, though. I'm beginning to think that may never change. ;) His door fascination is still present, but it is getting better. Much better! The running away is still an issue from time to time, but it is improving, too.

I hate that my babies are growing up, but I am so thankful for the outgrowing of bad habits and annoyances.

And for good measure, here are some pictures from the past month:

Sweet Amelia

Weston and his completed potty chart! He was so proud! We have a poo-poo chart now, and I think it's helping!

First time at the spray park this year!

Fun day on the nature trail!
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diagnose me, dr. lj

I've been having weird abdominal cramping since Friday. I have stomach issues from time to time, but they usually pass quickly. Today, I'm still cramping. I'm so tired, I slept 17 out of 24 hours. I have a headache that won't quit and I feel dizzy when I go from laying to sitting or sitting to standing. I've been pushing the fluids thinking it's a dehydration issue, but so far, I'm still as tired, crampy and dizzy as I was when I woke up this morning. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. If I'm not better by Wednesday, I'll probably go see a doctor. None of the symptoms seem to scream medical emergency, but the stomach cramps seem to be getting worse. And no, I'm not due for my period soon (it's due in 8 days). Perhaps it's just a random virus or something, but I'm not having fevers or any other sure symptoms of illness. I just want to go back to bed.